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A Politician Dies...


While walking down the street one day a Member of Parliament is tragically (this is a joke) hit by a truck and dies.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the pearly gates.

'Welcome to heaven,' says St. Peter.

'Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we are not sure what to do with you.'

'No problem, just let me in,' says the man.

'Well, I'd like to, but we have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.'

'Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,' says the MP.

'I'm sorry, but we have our rules.'

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he went down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he found himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.

They played a friendly game of golf and then dined on lobster, caviar and champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly and nice chap, who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realises it's time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and wave whilst the elevator rises...

The door opens in heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

'Now it is time to visit heaven.'

24 hours pass with the MP joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realises it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

'Well then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven, now choose your eternity.'

The MP reflects for a minute, then he answers: 'Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.'

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

When the doors open he is in the middle of a smoking wasteland covered in rubbish and filth.

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the rubbish and putting it in black bags as more falls from above.

The devil comes up to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. 'I don't understand,' stammers the MP.

'Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, danced and had a great time. Now there is just a desolate wasteland and my friends look miserable. What happened?'


The devil looks at him, smiles and says,


'Yesterday we were campaigning -


Today you voted.'


Candour #881 is with the proofreader. More news when I have it...


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